“We expect to struggle against the world; we don't expect to struggle in our own community.” Radical Anarchist Mom and Baby League
In this vast metropolis that is London, it is sometimes hard to feel a sense of community. Caught up in the rat race that is survival in this city, we can sometimes feel isolated from our near neighbours and may not feel a sense of belonging to the area in which we live.
Fortunately there is a strong feminist community in London. We share some common values, we struggle together, we socialise together, we look out for each other, we care for each other and it is a community that I feel privileged to be part of.
However as a mother of young children I’ve got to say that I do feel that just like I struggle in the wider community, I also struggle in this community of ours.
I don’t know how many times I’ve raised the issue of childcare when we organise, I don’t know how many emails I’ve sent asking whether there will be childcare available or whether children are welcome at certain meetings and events, I don’t know how many meetings or actions I’ve just not gone to because I feel that I cant bring my children, I don’t know how many workshops I’ve walked out of coz my children start getting loud and I can see that it’s just not appreciated. But the thing I notice most is that, unlike most other communities, within the feminist community there just aren’t many children around.
Maybe it’s just I’m going to the wrong meetings, but I don’t think so because I speak to other mothers and they seem to feel the same way too.
We want to spread this movement of ours yet we don’t make our activism accessible to parents. Many of the women in this country are mothers yet we don’t provide childcare at our meetings. Is feminism for everyone or just for a small clique of childless women?
We rally en masse for abortions rights (rightly so!) but where are the rallies to protest against single-parents being forced back to work, for better childcare for working parents, for better maternity services, for recognition of the unpaid work parents do raising children and what exactly are we doing in our activism to facilitate parents attending?
Sometimes I feel like we’ve fallen for the idea that mothers should be home, tied to the kitchen sink, cooking and changing nappies, voiceless and uncomplaining and that children should be seen and not heard. I suppose it’s so ingrained in all of us that there is a time and place for children that meetings aren’t seen as one of those times or places. I think like that too sometimes, but its ageist against children and sexist against mothers and we all need to address and confront it within ourselves and as a group. Maybe a meeting isn’t the most suitable place for young children but if parents are going to be there we need to accept that children will be too and sort out ways to deal with it.
Everyday as mothers we challenge patriarchy; a system, society and culture that sees us as just women with children, needing and worthy of little space besides the home, school and playground. We’re not welcome in the workplace, in education, on public transport, in the pub, yet we still go there. Capitalism places no value on our work, but we know the true value of what we do, and as such we see the fallacy of capitalism, we feel its injustice in our bones. Even though its difficult we leave our homes to work, we educate ourselves, we realise the value of the work we do raising children and we celebrate it, thus challenging false notions of true fulfilment through career, we find ways to support each other, we find solidarity through motherhood, we know in a very real way the strength of women and we know true exhaustion yet keep on going. Many of us became feminists at the same time as we became mothers, because it was then that we truly collided with patriarchy. Feminist parenting is a truly political, radical and effective form of direct action and is an everyday form of feminist activism.
That’s why I find it so weird that feminism in London does not seem to be welcoming parents with children or addressing our needs or campaigning for our wants. Parents are political, passionate, caring, strong, organised people, used to working for free and dealing with frustration, we are an asset to any movement.
Mainstream feminism like mainstream society and culture is (I think) hierarchical, with value, respect and power being given to those who are the most “active”, the most educated, with the best jobs, the loudest voices, the most money, and unfortunately mothers are near the bottom of this hierarchy. Sexism isn’t just something that exists out there in the big bad world; it also exists in each one of us. It isn’t our fault but it is something we must accept and try to unlearn and dealing with sexism in activism in this context means recognising the value and needs of parents and children.
We also need to think about children and the benefits they gain from being involved with feminism and what we gain from them being involved. Personally I am so glad that my children know feminism and feminists. It’s all very well me talking to them about gender roles, stereotypes and sexism but for them to actually see feminism in action, positive female role models and alternative ways of working and being together privileges them and reaches them on a much deeper level. I want my children to understand feminism on a day-to-day level, so that for them it is the norm.
Feminism has so much to gain from children being involved. Children can bring creativity, imagination and freshness to activism and a definite impetus to dissent, protest and organise against the status quo. Why are we feminists if not for future generations! At the end of the day if we really want to end the cycle of sexism and sexist oppression then socialising our children in a non-sexist way, as well as educating them about feminism and showing them how it can work is the only way.
Butterflea 2009
Copyleft (original article published in Raise Some Hell - A Feminist Childrearing Zine for Everyone)
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